Friendship and Internal Migration in Brazil: Vulnerability and Coping

Friends and the Decision to Migrate

Friends may or may not have an influence on the idea to live in another place, depending on the situation. The influence was perceived mainly among university students: “I was convinced by a friend to go, as well. My other friends were in favor and their opinion mattered much” (P2). Friends were “enormously important ... especially because they would also go” (P16). In another case, “I have several friends who came before me and encouraged me to move” (P17). On the other hand, the influence was not recognized, as “they did not have a decisive role” (P15), especially considering the motive to move as professional or study: “I did not think much about my friends, the important thing was the result of the examinations” (P13). The decision to migrate was taken independently of the opinion of friends, especially to work: “their opinion had no effect on my change because I had got an opportunity that could not be repeated, so I decided to come” (P1). Another form of participation was the support for migrating or returning. Thus, “all supported me” (P15), and “many supported me” (P19) or “gave a lot of support” (P20). On the other hand, “some even today insist that I return” (P13). In sum, the influence was perceived in cases that friends would migrate along with the participant or had migrated stimulating their moving. When friends were not directly involved in the migration process their influence was not perceived as important.

Old and New Friends

After moving, some previous friendships remained and others declined. For some, the distance “was continuously growing” (P14), and “I lost contact with many friends who remained at ES” (P17). Some friends, however, remained in the case of “true friends” (P12), or “the stronger friendships still exist” (P19). Even in the case of friends who remained, “there was a change in the way we interact” (P12). The contact with friends is done through visits, but mostly with the use of Internet resources, such as social networks (Facebook, Twitter, etc.), and Smartphones (Whatsapp, Snapchat, etc.): “Some friendships are at the level they were before, and I communicate by cellphone and through social networks ....” (P5). In a case, migration strengthened the previous friendships: “the closest friendships became stronger, contrary to what I imagined!” (P7). So, old friendships were affected by migration, and most seemed to decline. In the case friendships remained, the relationship contents changed.

New friendships have been established mainly at the university for students or in the workplace for those who moved for professional reasons, as “almost all friendships are from work” (P11) and “most of my friends are from college” (P12). People living together and neighbors also became friends and some activities also facilitated new friendships such as “college parties” (P13) or “dance lessons” (P15). This way of making friends may be considered as direct. Friends also resulted from the intermediation of existing social networks: “I became closer of my colleagues, and most are from here. Over time I made friends with the friends of my co-workers” (P3). For another, “these early friends were neighbors and parents of classmates of my children and people from the church I began attending” (P18), and “other friends were made through friends and my girlfriend, who already lived there” (P11) and “I became a friend of the family of my son’s wife” (P20). So, the social network of friends, family members or romantic partners was the origin of some new friendships.

The origin of new friends is diverse, including people from the home state, the new state and other states. Sometimes, migrants had friends in all three situations: “Most new friends were born in this state, but some had migrated previously by the same professional reason. Coincidentally, some ES friends also moved here and stayed close” (P11). In some cases, one group is highlighted: “most are from here (new state)” (P19), “are from my home state” (P20), or “people born in different states, not my home state, and that came with the same goal, for the same work” (P17). Sometimes, migrants seemed to attract themselves, making friends with “workmates who were in the same situation, who had moved recently” (P17) and “people of my work, and from my companion’s work, most of them are not from Curitiba, people like us who came from different states to work here” (P14). Another said: “I first initiated a very strong friendship with a group of girls from other towns, some from the State of Rio de Janeiro and others from São Paulo state, so this was a strong point in common among all of us, and to this day they are my best friends in college” (P13).

In the only case in which it was mentioned a best friend, this was from the home state: “my closest friend is from my state” (P15). Thus, data indicate a distancing from friends of the place of origin and the formation of new friendships. Some reported some difficulties to start new friendships due to differences in the way of relating and personality: “Here in Curitiba people are very closed! Until today I did not adapt. The difference is huge, closed, too formal people” (P14).

The Participation of Friends in the Migrant’s Adaptation

Friends were important to reduce loneliness at the beginning and were responsible for the feeling of inclusion in existing social circles. Their presence helped to overcome the difficulty of living away from family and old friends. When facing difficulties in adapting to university and housing, friends motivated them to remain in the new state: “the new friends helped a lot making company and helped to overcome loneliness” (P1). Friends also provided informational support, acting as guides in the new city, indicating good places to live in, for leisure, guidance on traffic and transportation. Friends were important for adapting and accepting local culture.

In order to facilitate the adaptation of new migrants, participants would introduce the place, pointing out good places to live in, places of leisure and useful services (supermarket, pharmacy, etc.) and insert the migrant in an existing circle of friends to help the newcomer to create new friends, and to receive emotional support. Migrants should also be advised to avoid comparing the new and origin states, and should always have in mind the goal that led him/her to make the decision to move, because that would be a way to help to overcome longing for family. “At first, I was going to convince him that here there are many opportunities for professional growth (...) Having a goal is essential for the person does not regret in the future” (P7).

Participants attributed great importance to the role of friends in adapting to the new place, “friends were more important than my family in this process” (P17) in several situations, including the workplace or university. In one case, friends were not considered important because the participant lived with her family (son), “then he helped me” (P20). “The role of friends is crucial to understand how social relations, particularly in the workplace, work. Every place and every service works one way and generally adaptation was relatively easy due to the receptivity of new friends in the workplace” (P11).

Another participant said that friends “provide the basis for that change. Often I felt out of place and they put me up and helped me to adapt myself to the new environment” (P19). Some highlighted the hospitality of friends who “supported me. They made me feel at home” (P12) and “made me feel good, comfortable, at home really” (P15). In one case, the participant began to like the place “after I began to rebuild my bonds of friendship” (P14). Emotional support was also present “in times to think about coming or not ... they supported me” (P16).

They helped to know and understand the social, cultural and functional aspects of the new environment, “understand social relations, particularly in the workplace” (P11), “to know how things work, how people are” (P18). Mutual help of friends who were also going through the same situation was fundamental, “they were all going through the same situation, then one helped the other to get used to the new environment, to get to know the new city” (P13).

Common Interests, Shared Activities and Cultural Differences

Participants reported cultural differences in the activities and shared interests, such as leisure, music styles, among others, and so they had to adapt to the new situation, but these differences were not considered large enough to affect friendship: “I think they suffer cultural influence of the place. Leisure activities, the way of thinking, the possibilities offered by the city, the weather, the accent. Differences create a new way of living. The common activities are influenced in the sense that to be part of a new group, of course we change some of our preferences to participate in a new and culturally distinct social group” (P11).

For others, cultural differences related to common interests and shared activities with new friends did not exist or they were barely perceptible: “I think there are some differences yes, but they are so minimal in my opinion” (P14). Sometimes cultural differences were perceived in the activities available in the destination state, “many things that were more common for me in the ES are not as common here, and vice versa” (P12), “the activities available are a bit different from what I had” (P17) and “in my state I was used to listen to axé and forró, and most people enjoyed that style. Here in the South, I see many young people enjoying local music, and having more contact with the local culture” (P19).

In other cases, differences were noted in terms of conservatism, as the participant was from a countryside town and became less conservative when she moved, “after some time living and talking to my friends, they were responsible for changing my way of thinking” (P13), “as I was from countryside I was or I am much more conservative, shy, and my friends here are more 'loose', … open-minded, but I think this is positive” (P15), “there are some differences in the people, here they have different ways to deal with things, the carioca looks carefree, very open minded, and I'm more conservative” (P18).

Overall, cultural influence was perceived not only in activities (including leisure), but also in the way of perceiving reality (conservative or liberal), although these differences did not create greater difficulties in friendships. While some did not observe conflicts in friendships generated by cultural differences, others have pointed out different ways of speaking, habits and punctuality as cultural conflicts. In the case of way of speaking: “I have already noticed conflict specifically in relation to the accent, because some people believe that talking in a specific way is right, when in fact they are all similar ways of expressing the same language. There is no right or wrong. When people think that their way is right, a conflict arises” (P11).

Regarding habits, one participant considered, at least initially, that “people from São Paulo usually got more involved with work, even in leisure time” (P17). The issue of punctuality was also seen as a cultural conflict (“if a person does not arrive at the accorded time, they get upset, different from the ES culture”, P19). On the contrary, a participant noted cultural conflicts “in everyday life, in routine activities, but they do not hinder friendship” (P18).

The Influence of Friends in the Perception of the New State and Future Plans

Respondents reported that friendships in the destination state were one of the reasons that made them unwilling to return to the ES. They said to like the local culture, but one participant pointed out that the population of the new state was extremely sexist. However, she said she respected the ways of acting of people, as his grandfather was a native of the state and therefore she was accustomed to such behavior. Several informed to be open to new changes and were willing to move again for work purposes. They would not hesitate to move and they counted on the support of friends to this decision: “In future, if necessary, I’ll go where the work calls. My friends understand and support me, because you cannot miss a chance to work” (P1). Only one participant expressed a desire to return to the ES, but friends in the new town were against this decision. Others did not wish to leave the new state. Participants recognized the role of friendships for building or changing the image of the state: “The image of the destination state, and especially the new town, is fully linked to people who become new friends and a new social environment” (P11).

Some had a negative view of the destination state but, after forming bonds with people from the state, started to like the place, “I hated the city, but maybe one day I will have a more positive view, now that I getting closer to some people” (P14). And also: “As I had good meetings, I built a positive idea about this place, I see it as a place that can give me many opportunities to grow, and contrary to what I thought, nice to live in.” (P15). “When I moved, I thought about returning every day. Today I admit the possibility of staying here, and I think that was mainly because I have built a favorable image through people I met” (P17).

Others had already a positive view of the place and forming new friendships strengthened this image. “I already had a pretty good idea about the RJ state, and always wanted to live here, and my current friendships will be essential for all my life ... and I will always remember Niterói as the place where I found these friendships that are very important to me today” (P13).

Sometimes, friends helped to form a more adequate image of the place regarding security, for instance “as I came from a small town, I learned from them to take some care” (P12). Some did not relate friendships and plans to move in the future: “I think that friends do not play a role in decision” (P11) or “my friends do not interfere in it” (P12), “even if I build-important friends here, very unlikely I would change the course of my life for them” (P14), “the friendships have no role in this decision” (P15), “I do not think that there is any role of friends” (P16). Only in one case friendships were considered relevant to future plans, “because these people I met, I admit the possibility of staying here” (P17).

Difficulties to Make Friends as a Migrant

Although some faced no problem to establish new friendships (“the locals are very nice and I have never had any problems”, P12), difficulties to make friends were mentioned. Some difficulties have been attributed to the social context. An example is that local inhabitants already had friendship networks established: “as Niterói is not a big city, it is very similar to Vitória, then many people already knew each other and there are groups of friends already formed, which makes a little hard to make new friends” (P13).

In other cases, difficulties were attributed to cultural factors, such as different lifestyles: “it has to do with the lifestyle of people from Curitiba” (P14). Another group of difficulties stem from the participants themselves, their personality or situation, such as “I felt some difficulty, but it is my own fault for being very shy and closed” (P15) or “I think the difficulty is more mine, as I am a bit lazy to make friends” (P16), “I am a housewife, then I have not work friendships. Friendships are more restricted” (P20). Some attributed difficulties to cultural differences and even prejudice: “There is a veiled prejudice ... especially in relation to the accent... But that is not something that makes it impossible to make friends” (P11). Although not considered prejudice, there were differences that were highlighted, jokes and even competition, “there are those silly little things about accent, but nothing to interfere with the construction of new bonds” (P18), or a form of competition as “people from South want to show why their state is better than others” (P19). The use of nicknames was another way to highlight a different origin: 
“My nickname at university is capixaba, nobody knows me by name, and everybody makes jokes about the origin state of the other” (P1).

On the other hand, some believed that being from another state was positive to make new friends because it was possible to share different backgrounds. The multicultural environment of universities also hindered the occurrence of prejudice: “As I work at the University, it is by nature a multicultural environment. On the street sometimes I feel a strangeness for my body type ... Everyone knows that I am not from here, but I do not consider this prejudice” (P8). Some acknowledged difficulties because they were migrants, but these were not assigned to prejudice. They were perceived as small difficulties that every migrant faces after moving.

Friends and Family in the Migratory Context

Family and friends are of utmost importance for migrants. Apparently friends become still more important in the migratory context as migrants are far away from family. In this situation, friends are sometimes seen as family: “When I left the countryside to live in Vitória, my friends and I were a family and we still are” (P16). Although friends may become family they do not replace family relationships, “friends are friends and family is family ... friends become family, however, will never replace family” (P12). Family relations are unique: “there are some problems in life that only your family can help you” (P13) and “family is still in first place” (P20). Friendships and family relations are different but both are important: “friendships can be as strong as family relationships, even if there are differences, especially the family history and what it means” (P8).

In the migratory context, even not replacing family, friends seem to grow in importance in function of distance from family: “often the affection of friendship supplies the lack of family” (P14), or “friends are more present than family. Friends are with you every day, and then ends up becoming closer, but does not replace it” (P18), “here they are the closest people. They share your routine” (P17), “they compensate the absence of family” (P19), “I think it may have some ... compensation for the distance (...) affection and attention gestures [of friends] can address the lack of parents and family who are far away” (P10). In sum, family remains important in the migratory context, but friends grow in importance as they are geographically closer than family.

The Meaning of Friendship

Finally, friendships were considered of great importance, “fundamental to the meaning of life” (P11), “they become essential for your daily life” (P13), “I cannot imagine my life without the presence of friends” (P17), and “it's always good to have friends” (P20). Friendships provide companionship and support: “I spend with them the happy, funny, sad, difficult times” (P12), “I think friendship provides support. Friends are those who provide the foundation you need to go on. They give you security, and are with you not only in happy times, but especially in those moments when all seems lost” (P14), “it would not be possible to live without their support” (P15), “it is something fundamental to human health and honestly I do not know if you can live without friends” (P16), “without friends it is impossible to live well” (P18) and “without them I would not be who I am today” (P19). So, friends are relevant in the migratory context, and they are also perceived as fundamental for life in general, supplying support and companionship contributing to health and personal development.